Is character really character if it goes away when challenged?

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Our ministry here in Loja has NEVER, ever, EVER been easy. Anyone associated or who knows El Sendero well would laugh at the thought of it being easy.

At one point I burst into tears and asked God, "When will these ministry crisis ever end?" The only response I heard was, "Never."

It's funny, but it was that moment that I found peace with this tumultuous task God put before us. If it was never going to end, and I could just stop working so hard to make it end. It seems oxymoronic to me to have found peace in this knowledge that it was always going to be hard, but it's the truth.

It's not easy. No way, no how. Our ministry doubles as a business.

You know all the problems that businesses have? We have those. (and some of those are HUGE- as in make you want to hide your head in a rock and never ever, ever, ever, come out huge) (In fact, it might be good if you would all take a moment and pray for the current massive, mountain size crisis)

You know all the problems that ministries have? Oh, boy, do we have those too (In fact, it might be a good idea if you would all take a moment and pray for our current ministry problems)

It's like double the trouble.

But you see, I have learned that where there is trouble, there is God. Where the earth seems to shatter and fall apart- God holds our hands while we clean up the pieces. (Sometimes He cleans up the pieces while we sit huddled in a corner crying).

So, I learned this lesson once. It was big, I taught it to others too.

And then, the new crisis came along.
It wasn't ministry related.
It wasn't business related.
It is heart related

A life changer made me forget that big lesson that I can have peace in knowing that I can't fix everything.

I can NOT fix diabetes 1. Despite everyone who wants to give me a miracle on a silver platter (or rather in a pill bottle, plant, or miracle chant), the exhaustion I feel after checking blood sugars every hour through the night is not going to go away. I am always going to have a heart thumping experience every time Marcus is slow to respond to my, "Wake up, it's time to get ready for school."
It's not going away. I can't fix his pancreas. It's broken beyond my repair.

The question I have is, "What happened to my peace?"
Why do I forget so easily how wonderful it is to rest in the knowledge that God is on control?
How do I re-learn?
Why am I so afraid for my son's life when I so firmly say, that the worst that can happen to any of us (death) is actually the best thing that can happen to us (eternal life with Jesus)?

I have a heart problem. All heart problems are serious. So is mine. (It might be a good idea if you took a moment to pray about my heart problem) (Thank you)

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