Monday, March 15, 2010

Just a beggar at the feet of a Powerful God.

Yesterday as I was sitting in church I heard a word that I had heard several times but did not understand. One of the stages of learning a new language is being able to recognize a word completely enough to be able to look it up in a dictionary. I can now hear words completely enough to know how they are spelled and my Spanish dictionary has become like a third arm to me.

So, yesterday I heard a word and began to look to look it up. Only I found through what I can only consider the work of God, that I had heard the word incorrectly.

the word I thought I heard was "pordiosero."
My dictionary tells me it means: beggar.
And my thoughts began to wonder. "What is being said so often about a beggar? And always in a Christian context." And I began to think of the moment I knew I needed a Savior.
I had turned my back on everything I had been taught. I had rejoiced in the fact that I was not a child of God. I rolled around and reveled in the knowledge that because I was not a Christian, I could make my own decisions, and live the way I wanted to.
And then- I hit bottom when I realized just how hopeless my life without God had become. I looked hard at myself and saw, not someone who was free from the rules I had once thought I was bound by, but someone who was trapped and weighed down by her own awful guilt. I was disgusted with myself. I was ashamed of my rejection of God.
And I began to beg.
"Please show me who you are."
"Please make me whole again."
"Please make me worthy."
"Please clean me of the filth that I am wallowing in."
"Please, please forgive me."
"Please make me yours. I want to belong to you."

After several months of haughty know-it-all behaviors, I had been reduced to a beggar. Someone just begging for God to look her way. Someone just begging God to pick her up and love her, despite the disgusting mess I had made of myself.

Just a few moments after finding the meaning of the word "pordiosero", I looked into the column next to it. My eyes saw another word, and I realized that I had misheard. The word I actually heard was:
poderoso: adj powerful

And my heart remembered. God. All powerful, all mighty. The same God who, with just a word created the entire universe, the same God who with just a single breath- breathed all of mankind into existence, the same God who flooded the earth and destroyed it in a matter of days, the same God who brought life back, the same God who protected three men in the midst of the hottest furnace on earth. This God. This God of poderoso. This God picked me up in all of my filth. This God, and only this God had the POWER to forgive the rottenness that filled my heart.

Only a God full of power could be strong enough to clean a beggar like me. I didn't have the power. I was crippled by sin, blinded by deceit, and filled with hate and self-loathing.
I was disgusting and begging for Mercy.

Which I received. From an all-powerful God.

Romans 1:20 (New International Version)

20For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

2 Chronicles 6:19 (New International Version)

19 Yet give attention to your servant's prayer and his plea for mercy, O LORD my God. Hear the cry and the prayer that your servant is praying in your presence.


No comments: